If you want anything done well, do it yourself. This is why most people laugh at their own jokes.

If you want anything done well, do it yourself. This is why most people laugh at their own jokes.

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to read more

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

There's the humour of it.

There's the humour of it.

Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that read more

Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that the two kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs. - Inward Ho.

We never respect those who amuse us, however we may smile at their comic powers.

We never respect those who amuse us, however we may smile at their comic powers.

a Christmas tree .. the perfect gift
for a guy... the plant is already dead
(monologue Dec 10 2003).

a Christmas tree .. the perfect gift
for a guy... the plant is already dead
(monologue Dec 10 2003).