Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

I never dare to write
As funny as I can.

I never dare to write
As funny as I can.

I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?'

I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?'

When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.

When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.

The real reason for comedy is to hide the pain.

The real reason for comedy is to hide the pain.

If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping read more

If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.

The gods too are fond of a joke.

The gods too are fond of a joke.

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a read more

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like 'Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!' and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, 'That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice.' Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice.

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to read more

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.