Dave Barry

You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, `My read more

You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, `My God, you're RIGHT! I NEVER would've thought of that!'

Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot read more

Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot masturbate

Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that read more

Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.

My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.

My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.

We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count read more

We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it.