Dave Barry

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was read more

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you're told.

Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you're told.

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat read more

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night