Dave Barry

You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, `My read more

You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, `My God, you're RIGHT! I NEVER would've thought of that!'

My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.

My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.

Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you're told.

Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you're told.

I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven-year-olds who read more

I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven-year-olds who tried to learn snowboarding.

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.