George Carlin

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it read more

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces read more

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.