George Carlin

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his read more

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!

Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!