The most wasted day of all is that in which we have not laughed.

The most wasted day of all is that in which we have not laughed.

If you don't learn to laugh at troubles, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old.

If you don't learn to laugh at troubles, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old.

Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.

Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.

Puns are a form of humor with words.rn

Puns are a form of humor with words.rn

I said that Sean Hannity took residence up Newt Gingrich's
butt from 94 to 98. I got that from British read more

I said that Sean Hannity took residence up Newt Gingrich's
butt from 94 to 98. I got that from British intelligence.
It turns out he only took up residence in 95.

A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the read more

A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road.

I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one read more

I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.

Those who are serious in ridiculous matters will be ridiculous in serious matters.

Those who are serious in ridiculous matters will be ridiculous in serious matters.

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to read more

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says 'You.' After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.