Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man read more

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?

Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always read more

Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing any one who comes between them.

Those who talk most about the blessings of marriage and the
constancy of its vows are the very people read more

Those who talk most about the blessings of marriage and the
constancy of its vows are the very people who declare that if the
chain were broken and the prisoners were left free to choose, the
whole social fabric would fly asunder. You can't have the
argument both ways. If the prisoner is happy, why lock him in?
If he is not, why pretend that he is?

Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about you.

Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about you.

I've given my memoirs far more thought than any of my marriages.
You can't divorce a book.

I've given my memoirs far more thought than any of my marriages.
You can't divorce a book.

A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?

Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?

Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold read more

Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.

Marriage is a wonderful invention; but, then again, so is a
bicycle repair kit.

Marriage is a wonderful invention; but, then again, so is a
bicycle repair kit.