I don't like this new law, because your first instinct when you see a man on the ground is to read more

I don't like this new law, because your first instinct when you see a man on the ground is to go down on him

I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid.

I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid.

Always root for the winner. That way you won't be disappointed.

Always root for the winner. That way you won't be disappointed.

The will to win is worthless if you don't get paid for it.

The will to win is worthless if you don't get paid for it.

Football is violence and cold weather and sex and college rye.

Football is violence and cold weather and sex and college rye.

The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.

The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.

It's a nice bonus but, you know, I have to pay taxes too.
(after winning the Grand Slam Cup.)

It's a nice bonus but, you know, I have to pay taxes too.
(after winning the Grand Slam Cup.)

My sister's expecting a baby and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt.

My sister's expecting a baby and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt.

Nolan Ryan is pitching much better now that he has his curve ball straightened out.

Nolan Ryan is pitching much better now that he has his curve ball straightened out.