"Chumps always make the best husbands. When you marry, Sally, grab a chump. Tap his forehead first, and if it read more

"Chumps always make the best husbands. When you marry, Sally, grab a chump. Tap his forehead first, and if it rings solid, don't hesitate."

A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

Our society is set up so that most women lose their identities when their husbands die.

Our society is set up so that most women lose their identities when their husbands die.

American husbands are the best in the world; no other husbands are so generous to their wives, or can be read more

American husbands are the best in the world; no other husbands are so generous to their wives, or can be so easily divorced.

Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended.

Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended.

Sometimes I think [my husband] is so amazing that I don't know why he's with me. I don't know whether read more

Sometimes I think [my husband] is so amazing that I don't know why he's with me. I don't know whether I'm good enough. But if I make him happy, then I'm everything I want to be.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open

I used to tell my husband that, if he could make me 'understand' something, it would be clear to all read more

I used to tell my husband that, if he could make me 'understand' something, it would be clear to all the other people in the country.

My idea of walking into the jaws of death is marrying some woman who has lost three husbands.

My idea of walking into the jaws of death is marrying some woman who has lost three husbands.