Diamonds never leave you... men do!

Diamonds never leave you... men do!

When a man opens the car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

When a man opens the car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

I require three things in a man: He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.

I require three things in a man: He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.

Being a woman is a terribly difficult task since it consists principally in dealing with men.

Being a woman is a terribly difficult task since it consists principally in dealing with men.

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. read more

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do....".

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are.

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are.

Want him to be more of a man? Try being more of a woman!

Want him to be more of a man? Try being more of a woman!

Just as women are afraid of receiving, men are afraid of giving.

Just as women are afraid of receiving, men are afraid of giving.

Femininity appears to be one of those pivotal qualities that is so important no one can define it.

Femininity appears to be one of those pivotal qualities that is so important no one can define it.