Woody Allen

Not only is there no God, but trying getting a plumber on weekends.

Not only is there no God, but trying getting a plumber on weekends.

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: read more

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children".

Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.

Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss read more

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.