Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get into my own pants

Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get into my own pants

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian
because I hate plants.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian
because I hate plants.

A good, honest, wholesome, hungry breakfast.

A good, honest, wholesome, hungry breakfast.

Sacred cows make the best hamburger

Sacred cows make the best hamburger

Worthless people live only to eat and drink; people of worth eat and drink only to live.

Worthless people live only to eat and drink; people of worth eat and drink only to live.

Mosquitoes remind us that we are not as high up on the food chain as we think

Mosquitoes remind us that we are not as high up on the food chain as we think

I love you like a fat kid loves cake.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food

I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food