My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, read more

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'

The fear of making permanent commitments can change the mutual love of husband and wife into two loves of self-two read more

The fear of making permanent commitments can change the mutual love of husband and wife into two loves of self-two loves existing side by side, until they end in separation.

I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different read more

I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch do you like submarine sandwhiches? All-encompassingly...

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework

Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary by-pass. After such a monumental assault on the heart, it takes read more

Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary by-pass. After such a monumental assault on the heart, it takes years to amend all the habits and attitudes that led up to it.

I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?'

I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?'

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.

Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you read more

Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right.