You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what read more

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

A line is a dot that went for a walk.

A line is a dot that went for a walk.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.