Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get into my own pants

Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get into my own pants

Worthless people live only to eat and drink; people of worth eat and drink only to live.

Worthless people live only to eat and drink; people of worth eat and drink only to live.

There is no love sincerer than the love of food.

There is no love sincerer than the love of food.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian
because I hate plants.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian
because I hate plants.

Sacred cows make the best hamburger

Sacred cows make the best hamburger

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Our lives are not in the lap of the gods, but in the lap of our
cooks.

Our lives are not in the lap of the gods, but in the lap of our
cooks.

Life is too short to stuff a mushroom.

Life is too short to stuff a mushroom.