Funny Quotes ( 10 - 20 of 86 )
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough read more
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.
Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.
I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.
When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.
When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.
Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck read more
Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.
I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.
I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.
