Funny

Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was read more

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.